😬
That’s like…a normal thing, right? Right?? Cause you can see if you made a mistake, if you actually said what you wanted to say and not some gibberish instead…right?? I’m normal, aren’t I???
TMI, trauma tangent
I have…bad thoughts. Sometimes. Well, pretty often. They’re the kind of thoughts that people who went through horrible things sometimes have. Thoughts that…are supposed to make them “feel in control” of what’s happened to them, if I understand it correctly.
But…I don’t remember anything. I don’t think I have any trauma. As hard as I try to search my memory, nothing comes up. Nothing like that, nothing traumatizing. Nothing “bad”. And that’s why it doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t know why I’m like this.
I mean the only thing I remember is my step-dad very briefly groping my ass when we were getting off the subway when I was younger, but that’s it. And I don’t even feel any trauma from that. Nothing bad happened to me. And still they won’t stop…
I should get a therapist…
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Too real :c
Yes.
This is the word.
hugsie for everyone who feels like want one now.
Awww, girlie! ❤️
🫂
Thx, things happens all the time.
🫂
Blobfox best fox ^ w ^
Nothing to do with drama in the childhood… There are people i like to talk to, but some people i’d rather have a writeup of our conversation because i know they will say the exact opposit tomorrow and will claim that is what they meant all along…
I tried to implement this and can’t really manage that mess at the speed I text at, so I just get gaslight knowingly, and say nothing about it.
It’s really normal. I had to switch to text only with my ex-husband for these exact reasons. The gaslighting was intense and it can be so hard to get a sense of reality within a relationship like that.
It was lovely to be able to go in and delete some of the screenshots recently though. It’s been long enough that I felt safe to let it go <3
Therapy helps! I’d strongly encourage exploring some options. It’s not a bullet-proof solution, but therapy can really, really help.
I’m glad it works for you, girlie 💜️
Works for me super well.And therapy…yeah. I desperately need it. I have…actual problems. I should try to get better…
Take care girl ❤️Hell yeah! Congrats on being far enough out to delete the screenshots
I don’t need gaslighting, my memory is so bad already that I don’t trust it. And for that reason, I prefer communication with a record.
I have extremely bad memory and also a gaslighting ex… when we were together, I think I made their job easy for them. If they said I did something, I had to believe them, because I can’t remember anything. I trusted them for a long time
Sometimes, I’d become suspicious, because it sounded like something I’d never do. Eventually, I started secretly recording conversations. I was so mad - multiple times per day they were gaslighting me; even for pointless things that don’t matter
Took ages to untangle that and leave. I still don’t entirely know what was real or fake during that time period haha it really made me feel crazy and confused
I don’t doubt that’s true, but there’s a myriad of other reasons why someone might prefer to text.
For me it gives me time to think about my response to make sure it’ll be received as I intended it. My wife and I almost exclusively have important discussions via text.
your trauma tangent sounds a bit like cptsd, i am not a psychologist, but that’s something i carry around.
there is no shame in going to therapy, it does not mean one is broken, it only means that one wants to get better.
Was gonna say this.
Therapy and this book saves my life from flashbacks I couldn’t even identify I was having for most of my life;
Seconding this. When the trauma/bad experiences are so never ending, subtle, and latent it’s hard to pinpoint it to exact moments. This includes anything from being treated poorly by family/friends/various societal structures to other causes of chronic stress (illnesses, dysphoria, etc.)
It’s also a compounding upset because you can’t name specific events so you feel like you’re overreacting, but you’re not. Your experiences are valid, OP. Offering internet hugs if you want them 🫂
Seeing dysphoria mentioned as a stressor that can amplify trauma is really helpful for me, I’ve long been circling that idea but hadn’t pinpointed it yet. Thank you
Sometimes its the other way around. I prefer texts because I’m a visual learner… and visual formats being handy for maintaining accountability and avoiding abuse are a convenient byproduct. But I was a visual learner first.
Yepppp, though I also can’t shut up irl either and keep putting my foot in my mouth anyways. I’ve also developed mixed feelings on text communication because I tend to either get too focused on editing what I have to say (I’ve deleted comments I spent an hour typing, and messaging loved ones has become hard because the amount of effort I feel will go into it keeps me from starting) or I go full Leroy Jenkins with it and hit enter without thinking
But yes, therapy is great. I didn’t think I was particularly fucked up or that my family home was that rough when I was a young adult. It took talking to people, including therapists, for me to realize a bunch of it and to start healing.
Used to record every phone call with my parents so I could play back their own words when they said they didn’t say something, and my words when they said I said something I didn’t.
I should have done that with my mom honestly. It would have saved me so much pain and tears and trauma. Oh well, too late now :P
I’m from the generation we didn’t have 📱.
It was the family☎️, or pass/drop encoded messages.
I am glad we have the technology now to show them who they really are.
About the tangent you mentioned:
Tap for spoiler
I completely relate. I can’t think of any trauma but i used to have episodes of really bad thoughts. Barely anymore. I wouldn’t know how to teach you to stop that because it wasn’t one single thing, it was a whole journey that i’m still on. It’s might also not apply to you very well. But I can give you some things to consider:
- trauma is not just something terrible that happened to you. It could just be a small negative interaction that as an adult you wouldn’t think twice about, but as an impressionable, clueless kid it really stays with you
- it can also be what didn’t happen. Maybe you didn’t get the time and attention you needed. Or you got praised for being “mature and uncomplicated” which actually meant “thanks for hiding you needs and problems so i don’t have to deal with it” so you never had anyone to rely on
- Bad thoughts tend to completely take over because they always seem important or interesting. If you do some introspection you might find they are just silly. Once you understand and truly believe that, you can just decide not to have them
- For me that last point was heavily tied to my self esteem. For that it helped me a lot to contrast some thoughts but looking through a mirror and see how an interaction would be with the roles reversed. e.g. you thought you were rude to someone but with the roles reversed you wouldn’t think anything of the same interaction
i’d be more than happy to discuss this at length if you’re interested
Yeppp
Tap for spoiler
I didn’t realize how much my parents unhappy marriage screwed me up until I was older because it was all I knew. Much less my father’s npd, which I only even considered when my ex told me I react to things like the child of a narcissist. In many ways my childhood had a lot of good, but the bad screwed me up enough I need professional help (currently receiving it) to fix.
Abusers choose language where the meaning behind it is coercive. It makes it hard to convey emotional meaning with someone who had to learn these survival skills. One might be seeking connection and that intent sits in the same space where others seeking to manipulate placed theirs.
It’s normal to have that style of communication and simultaneously feel gas-lit by people speaking with decent intent.
For the other stuff therapy can be effective if you get the right therapist and imo not someone peddling sympathy.
