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Cake day: September 4th, 2025

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  • I read the last article, here’s what stood out to me: the importance of stating the consequence in advance, and the importance of there being a logical connection between the “crime and punishment,” so to speak.

    in addition to making sure your child is old enough to understand this type of consequence, a crucial part of using the tactic of taking something away is that parents should clearly state the punishment upfront.

    “The important piece of this approach to discipline is to establish these consequences in advance (i.e. ‘if you don’t clean up your room, you will lose the ability to play with your LEGOs tonight’). As a reactive form of punishment, taking away privileges seems random and fails to establish the connection between a behavior and a consequence,” Fox notes. “When set up in advance, it gives the child a choice — if they don’t make their bed, they are choosing to not be allowed to play with their LEGOs. The sooner we set up this sense of accountability, the less discipline we’ll have to do over the long term.”

    Another consideration that experts say can be made in addition to making sure the consequence is outlined ahead of time, is that your child can make the appropriate connection between their actions and the punishment.

    “It’s very important for parents to make a connection between the behavior and what is being taken away, particularly as a child gets older. For instance, if they fail to obey rules around devices or video games, it makes sense to take those away as punishment,” Fox tells Romper. “On the other hand, if they can’t be nice to their sister, they don’t get to spend time with their friends — this sends the message that if they can’t be nice to this person, they don’t get to hang out with that person. As parents, you have to make the connection to the consequence for the child because their brain just doesn’t yet work that way.”

    Re: the logical consequence, from my own childhood, in elementary school my teachers and parents came up with a behavioral contract where, if i didn’t do my homework, i couldn’t play with my friends after school. Since i couldn’t fathom ever being able to finish my homework, i just accepted the fact that i couldn’t be friends anymore with my friends. I don’t think that worked long term.