I’ve applied for jobs a few times and this has always been a problem. Now that I’ve been out of college for a while it’s even more of a problem. I don’t have anyone from college that would even remember me. I can’t use my current coworkers because I don’t want my current employer to know I’m leaving until I have a new job lined up. I don’t keep in touch with old coworkers. I don’t do anything outside of work as far as volunteering or anything. I know I’m not supposed to use friends or family. Who is even left after that? The only people I have the contact info for are friends, family, and my current boss.
Use your friends and family. Tell them you’re doing so and instruct them to lie for you.
The problem with this is if you have parents who solemnly believe honesty is best policy. My parents might lie about my issues by way of omission, to try to paint me in a good light but they sure as hell won’t lie that they are my parents.
I used people who have only seen me at my best, but aren’t relatives.
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volunteer leaders from places I love to volunteer. If I love volunteering there I don’t usually see it as a job, so I’ll always be at my enthusiastic passionate best.
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take a week’s work experience somewhere and use them as a reference (or just apply at the place you volunteered if you liked it, a week is enough to give a good impression better than any reference) - a week is usually long enough to give you a reference, but short enough that it’s still a novel experience so you don’t have time to show your worst or how quickly you burn out.
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my previous boss was great for use as a reference as he’s honest, but he has a way of drastically downplaying everyone’s bad qualities to other people (if there were no good qualities, he would’ve fired you anyway), while at the same time managing to make you feel bad for having those same qualities.
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So this is advice I’ve offered many co-workers and friends over the years. This advice actually came directly from my first boss.
Always try and make time to have a lunch with a former co-worker. Just one, co-worker, it’s one hour, once a month. Just have a lunch with someone, anyone from a former job. This helps in a couple of ways, you keep your network open and you keep it expanding. These people aren’t your friends, but they could turn into friendship if you wish them to be.
Prior to the pandemic, I had a list of my months, and which co-workers I would reach out to from former jobs. This has been huge for me as it has helped me land new job opportunities and it has turned some former workers into great friendships. But it’s just 12 hours a year, and 12 lunch’s a year. But it’s just enough that I’ll always have someone I can use as a reference.
I’ve now had many different jobs over the years, but I still schedule lunches with former co-workers. But I make sure to reach back out to people to set these up, it’s helped me also become more social than I normally am.
So once you’ve got this new job in the bag, do not lose touch with the old co-workers make an effort to have lunch with someone, anyone, but at least someone you wouldn’t pull your hair out after spending an hour with them.
It’s just 12 hours once a year.
edit: don’t get me wrong this isn’t an easy task my first boss had to force me to go to lunches I didn’t want to go to.
Maybe you are overestimating how big of a deal letting your current boss know that you are job searching really is. I’ve used a recruiting agency multiple times that requires references from two current supervisors. It always feels awkward making that ask, but it has never been the end of the world. If you are respectful and professional about it, they should be too. You can always find a way to downplay it or spin it if you need to.
That being said, of course there are petty and belligerent bosses out there. Just take a minute and consider whether that is truly the case for you or if this would just cause the normal level of awkwardness/friction that would be expected in this situation.
