I’m (19F by the way, not like 50) a bad texter. I can be not dry when I want to be, but usually I’m just not up for texting. I really don’t engage with my friends. (I’m asocial).

I don’t participate in their activities. I don’t really ask them how they are, or what their interests are. I don’t even engage in deep discussion with them unless I’m up for it.

When my friend sends a video that reminded her of me or that she finds funny, I don’t click it and just ignore it.

Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this, but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it and because I’m genuinely just tired/bored most of the time.

One time, my friend asked me if I’d like to spend time with her, and I just point-blank said “No”. IDK if that’s rude just because I’m being honest and also because it’s not personal, I don’t want to engage with anyone.

  • scarabic@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    2 days ago

    “Good” and “bad” aren’t very useful here.

    A friend who does not engage in any way is simply not a friend. They don’t become an enemy or whatever: they just drift away until they are simply a person you know.

    To be a friend means to engage. It doesn’t have to be texting, though that is now a dominant communication medium and not some fringe thing anymore that people can just wave away as a modern fad.

    You can engage in person. You can engage by talking on the phone. You can engage by playing games together. But to not engage at all… it makes me wonder what you think friendship is.

    I am “like 50” and I no longer think of friends as “people who are on my side” or “people who know the real me” because all of that can be true even if you haven’t talked in 5 years. If that’s all you want, for someone on earth to be on your side, theoretically, then you’re good.

    But that’s not friendship: you have to engage. If you don’t, you will find that you miss out in growth and change in their lives, and after a very short while, they don’t “know the real you” anymore and you don’t know the real them.

    Life is to be lived. It’s a thing you do.