Thanks for joining me today! I’m here at the Reddit corporate parking lot, spot 269 (nice!), and being assisted today by Victoria all by myself because friends only tie down your ambitions.

Founded in 1978 as a men’s discount shoe store on the west side of Philadelphia (born and raised), Reddit has, despite our best efforts, experienced an unprecedented explosion in popularity in the past decade. As of this morning, we are now home to over 16.5 million subscribers, of which a good 11% are associated with human beings, creating over 13 original posts each and every week!

As a business, our primary goal has been maintaining this platform at the expense of our users. As a result, we recently made the decision to acquire one of our upcoming competitors, Lemmy. This sale finalized as of Sunday, July 2nd, for a price that will not be disclosed because our VCs might be reading this.

Effectively immediately, we have enacted a few new featifits (a benefit and a feature combined) that will hopefully pay for the new sous chef will benefeat the Lemmy community. These include:

  • A newly revamped federation system that will allow Reddit posts to be viewed on Lemmy. This will be limited to one randomly selected subreddits every month, as chosen by myself, and I’ve been pretty much into cat girls this year, so they’ll probably be cat girl-related
  • A unique new post sorting algorithm that compliments the above, boosting all posts that do, possibly may, or will feature cat girls after I have edited them
  • 500 Spezbux that can be redeemed for Speztokens at any point
  • An unshakable sense of dread about the future course of technology
  • Full length ads for Carl Jr’s that will be sent directly to your inbox each hour and can be viewed for additional Spezgild
  • New scents

And much much more! Also, as is tradition for this AMA, we will not be answering any questions at this time, but please, feel free to waste your time and ask anyway!

  • JineteDeAbuelas47@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Hi spez!! Is the jailbait subreddit you were moderating coming to lemmy?

    Edit: thanks for le gold!!

    Edit 2: wow 69 upvotes nice

    Edit 3: 420 UPDOOOOTS??? BLAZE IT LOL

    • InfiniteLoop@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      edit 4: thanks for the gold kind stranger! i’ve never gotten an award before!!!

      (real edit: i have short term memory and forgot your first edit acknowledged the gold…)

      • JineteDeAbuelas47@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        No problem that would happen in reddit too, we’re just missing the award speech edit thanking the community, a pet and keanu reeves

  • Nomecks@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    If you were in a room with Elon Musk, Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler, could you stop fellating yourself long enough to give disappointing blowjobs to all your heroes?

  • TheGoldenGod@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I can’t be the only one who expected a shittymorph ending, with in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.

  • son_named_bort@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    As someone who is a real person and not a bot programmed by Reddit, I have to ask how are you bravely handling all of the negative publicity that our handsome and fearless leader doesn’t deserve but is getting anyway. Anyway, I’m a real person and not a bot, and certainly not paid by Reddit to post this.

  • GoosLife@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Breaking news: Reddit CEO purchases free software: “still not the dumbest decision I’ve made this month” says Spez in rare moment of self-awareness

  • notatoad@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    This announcement is supsiciously light on NFTs.

    Will there be any new collectible avatars to help commemorate this occasion?

  • Snapz@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Thanks so much for the time to address us lesser people!

    So with your head up your butt, I’ve always wondered… how do you see the screen to make posts? Are you wearing a VR headset inside there or something?