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Cake day: July 6th, 2023

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  • UmeU@lemmy.worldto196@lemmy.blahaj.zoneAutocorrect Rule
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    14 days ago

    First suggestion:

    Women are the most vulnerable in the world and the most vulnerable are the most affected by the disease and the most likely to be affected by it is the people who are affected by it

    Middle suggestion:

    Women are not allowed in this world anymore because of their own personal preferences







  • My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

    Boy am I ugly. I’m so ugly that when I was born the doctor slapped my mother.

    My mother, she wouldn’t breastfeed me, she said she liked me as a friend.

    My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

    Then later as I was growing up, when I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

    On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

    Boy I was an ugly kid. I had plenty of pimples, one day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

    I met the surgeon general, he gave me a cigarette.

    Then I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

    I told my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. He told me that with a face like mine, I don’t need one.

    I told my doctor, “Every day I wake up, I look in the mirror, I want to throw up. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.

    I tell ya, I know I’m ugly. My proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth.