This creature would be a better president

Stop feeding the troll

Evolution was a scam all along to make future chiropractors more money! /s

You can’t lose weight, but that’s okay because the lack of appetite balances that out! (A common side effect my antidepressants have)

The first few books of the old testament are just bad fanfiction based off the Epic of Gilgamesh

The book of Job is about Adonaiyahwehjehovahbob bragging about torturing an innocent man.

And I’m sure a lot of the other old testament books (both protestant and catholic) are just as problematic.

“You changed”

“Yeah, I finally did laundry”

Rereading the first few words reminded me of “take my gallbladder free of charge”

At this point the organic brains are just decorative. And so folks can keep making the “second thoughts” joke

Nonononono

Somehow find a way to fit another brain in my skull alongside my current one, then use that joke

POV: my linen closet

Take my stomach and bladder too while you’re at it. Leave the brain, but only power it enough to keep it alive. If people ask why, just make up some funny reason.

Oh, yeah. Most definitely. Would also make it easier for water to flow through me. Less weird internal folds and flaps too. Like what are all those lungs, intestines, kidneys, etc really for anyways?

Almost got to the point where I was burping and I couldn’t figure out if it was just a harmless burp or preemptive heatpuke.

My veins are optic wires but my blood is wd-40. Don’t ask how. Data center construction is incredibly flawed.

Central Illinois, usa

Cry harder. I’m gonna go buy a teriyaki slimjim.

Edit: I also bought a chicken salad sandwich. Gonna have that for lunch.

None of their devices need to be charged atm. You have every intention to use their charger in the same room as them. You have every intention to give the charger back when finished and not leave the room with it.

With all this laid out, this is still likely gonna be their responses to the question

You promise? 🥺

I hold a corner with one hand, twirl it around in the air until it’s completely wrapped around my arm, peel it off my arm, throw it in the closet. Done.

yeah