I’m shocked! Well, not really.

Yeah I’m a skeptic and enjoy debunking conspiracy theories so I’ve actually encountered this in the wild quite a bit.

It’s a bunch of people who think Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) and They Live (1988) were documentaries with a little good old fashioned Illuminati nonsense mixed in for good measure. It’s as if someone watched part of a David Icke video once then tried to describe his beliefs to someone else from memory. It’s just such a painfully unoriginal conspiracy theory for people with TikTok attention spans.

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He’s spent the last year alienating all of the United States’ allies and in some cases, directly threatening their sovereignty. So of course nobody wants to get involved in his mess.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the occasional 28 hot dog snack, but I’m not paying $8 apiece. That’s insane.

Before anyone gets excited, Ron Johnson was part of the plot to submit fake electors for Michigan and Wisconsin to overturn the 2020 election. He’s also said he’s unsure about running for reelection in 2028, so any political fallout for this minor little “principled stance” doesn’t matter. He’ll just retire if it comes to that.

Yep, the evangelical Christian movement in the US tends to obsess over pretty much everything except the stuff Jesus actually said.

Okay but if you find a ghost ship trapped in orbit around Neptune called the Event Horizon DO NOT GO INSIDE!

So let me get this straight, the companies that raised their prices based on Trump’s tariffs get to apply for a refund with no requirement to lower prices and pass that refund on to the consumers who actually had to pony up the money at the ‘cash register’ every day. Once again, corporations get an undeserved bailout while the American consumer gets shafted. Typical.

Well, we know that’s a lie. It could not possibly be more obvious when Donald Trump is not the author of a post. There are countless examples of posts that were clearly not written by the Very Stable Genius.

“I mean look at this thing, I can’t imagine a more beautiful thing. It’s corn!” - Corn Kid from that viral video (2022)

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Where are all the “no new wars” and “the President of peace” dipshits now?

Remember in 8 Mile when Cheddar Bob shot himself in the leg with his own gun? Same thing. The only difference here is Cheddar Bob was a lovable idiot instead of a fascist.

Wait, so the winner of the first and last FIFA Peace Prize is starting a war again? How curious.

Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik by Outkast and Return to Cookie Mountain by TV on the Radio.

We here at EvilDork Corp believe the future is in the Torment Nexus!

This is the least of our concerns if Paramount Skydance gets their way, but god dammit… Superman II is going to just be a solo movie for Homelander from The Boys, isn’t it?

Wouldn’t it be great if we actually blocked these mergers rather than bend over backwards to accommodate them?

Good riddance. I haven’t given them a dime since their new CEO tried to make his mark at the company by introducing dynamic pricing price gouging.

Apparently that POS left Wendy’s in July 2025 and now works at The Hershey Company, but the damage is done. I’m never going back. There are better local burger joints around here anyway.