My queer dicked uncle was just telling me about this the other day when my phone rang and some guy claiming to be from “your local aviation company” called me airplane cock and hung up right away. I still don’t know what it means but one things for sure, my cocks small enough to fit in a 20byte file.

My coworker once asked to me take out a loan so she could buy some kind of trinket, I told her no and gave her my old PS2 instead. Ever since then she gives me a real good Nantucket Narb Snarfie before bed every night. I’ve never ejaculated so much in my life. It’s a shame she passed away 54 years ago.

Instructions unclear, now I have waspinator living in my basement hanging out with all the other beasties making a mess of the place. One of his pals joined the Catholic Church and just had his first cum union (you know that fun ritual where the whole congregation dresses up as Jesus and jacks off all over you).

Man I miss going to church.

Not so fun fact: Minion dicks are like baby corn

Yeah, this is my life exactly

Fun fact: it’s a crime to bake a cat but not a crime to bake bread.

Every morning when I wake up Im part of a sequel to these movies called Pissboner

The last time I went scorpion surfing Urkel put a snorkel in my ass to help me pass gas. It was pretty cool I guess.

If only I could monetize them, then I could afford many quail eggs.

When I was a kid in the 60s my hippie uncle told me that what gave him power was stuffing a quail egg in his foreskin and then his elderly neighbour would put her false teeth in her ass and he’d boink her and the egg would come out of his foreskin and she’d chomp it in her ass with the false teeth. I had no idea what he was talking about because I was only 7 when he told me this but now that I’m elderly I love sticking my false teeth in my ass to chew quail eggs from nice men.

It’s like that old nursery rhyme “suck my dick and fuck my dad, but only if your name is Brad”

My neighbor’s great grandson got caught making smoked dog knob salads for the church picnic and no one batted an eye. They all loved it and asked for the recipe.

When I’m like 80 I’m getting one of these for my mobility scooter and I’m just gonna ride in the middle of the road.

Bob Saget’s grandpa used to tell me about how he used to ace his job interviews by talking about the world renown communist Ninja turtles. I don’t remember what he said about them though because I used to get really bored talking to geriatrics.

I tried to teach my grandpa’s crabs how to read but he smacked me and told me to stop talking to his pubes

He looks like the little weasel that lives in my uncle’s foreskin. That things been dead for years but the taxidermist filled it with dehydrated cum flakes to keep with the theme of penis weasel. One day when he dies I’ll scoop the little guy out of there and empty out those cum flakes and smoke them on public transit.

I’ve got brain syndrome

Speaking of vegetables, my neighbor’s kid got hit by a limousine on his way home from basketball school so his mom told me I can have his collection of Alvin and the chipmunks hentai. I told her I have no interest in such nonsense but she insisted I take them, so I’ve been handing them out to panhandlers in my city. They’ve been really appreciative of it, one guy even told me he knows some vegetable kid who got smoked by a limo who would love these, so he collected all of them and brought them to the hospital and put them on the kid’s bedside table. Two days later he started showing brain activity again and his mom was so disappointed because that meant the Alvin and the chipmunks hentai collection would be returning to her home.

The answer to your question is tempura tapeworms. That’s how.

It made me happy until I read the article about a truckload of vintage Japanese porn crashing into a grain silo in rural Manitoba and being completely destroyed. Apparently that truck had the only remaining copy of the 1972 magazine featuring “the girl with the tempura asshole”. It was a revolutionary piece of art that introduced the concept of eating ass to a generation.