I used to play rodents revenge on my dad’s wori computer all the time

I have a baby now and I try really hard to make clear to people that if you’d like to hold her you’re welcome to but it’s also totally fine if you don’t want to. Some people are so excited to, others want nothing to do with it. I get it either way

… more?

I don’t think that pantry is big enough to store all my sbortion

Im in the US and live literally across the street from my kids school. He starts kindergarten in August and I told some neighborhood parent friends I was going to just let him walk himself to school while I watched from the stoop sipping coffee. A lot of them were mortified and a few thought the school wouldn’t allow him in without me dropping him off. Wtf

I run into 425 Too Early a lot

I’m 40, with a kid, currently on the toilet and I am absolutely destroying it right now. I think I’ve got some kind of stomach bug.

This hit hard 😆

You sound like an asshole, fyi lol

Ftfy

THIS. IS. SPARTA!!

27.5 if you’re drunk

Sort of describes bulimia I guess

That last sentence - yes! 0 degrees outside? No problem, coat. 80 degrees outside? I turn into a fussy baby. At 90 I’m like non functional

My cat when I don’t feed her on time

I know right. I’m 39, all 20.

I used to yawn incessantly during warmups before rugby matches. My coach would yell at me to get my head into the game. I kept telling him it’s just what happens when I’m warming up it doesn’t mean anything!

My wife and I refer to this as the “Kitty Claws” of our marriage contract

“instead of using toilet paper he wipes his ass with a town that then he stores full of shit on a drawer”

I have a lot of questions about this part

Yeah I was thinking this sound alike my 4 year old

I do know a shaman. She does not dress like that